Get what you pay for

The third rule of economics is simple: You get what you pay for. It’s been an immutable economic fact of nature. Until now. In a blink of an eye, technology took over and the rule changed.

TV has Tivo. Consumers can avoid those pesky commercials with a click of the button. That 30-minute show turns into a commercial-free 22 minutes just like that! 8 minutes saved! I love my Tivo. Of course, those commercials paid for that programming, but what the heck?!

OK, someone has to be watching the commercials that keep my shows on the air. But it isn’t me. Not any more.

Newspapers and Magazines are also seeing dramatically dwindling ad sales. The lucky ones find buyers or mergers. The less lucky ones go the way of the late lamented Gourmet.

The inventive survivors look for alternative income streams like paid on-line subscriptions (not gaining much traction yet) or ads (annoying, but necessary) or pay-for-special-features promotions (too early to tell).

In an act of solidarity with those who produce the written word, I send magazine subscriptions to family and friends at the holidays. I’m not sure my tiny “Atta Boy” is worth much in the great scheme of things financially to the publishers, but it makes me feel better about canceling my daily newspaper subscription two years ago.

You see, I couldn’t read the paper during my daily commute-by-car, and the ever-growing pile of newspaper carcasses impeded anyone from sitting in my passenger seat. So now I read the paper on the internet at lunch. For Free! A world-class newspaper for Free! It’s one of life’s real bargains. Thank goodness for the advertisers and readers who keep it afloat for me every day. I love you guys!

The internet—the technological instrument of destruction for thousands of magazines and newspapers—didn’t get it at first either. Obtrusive pop-up ads alienated viewers, then pay-for-click evolved. But this is still TBD, and the technology is evolving daily—just ask the SEO guys who are always scrambling to keep up. Do I do my part to underwrite this world-changing media? Probably not. My husband is doing more than enough. I’ll sit this one out, too.

My favorite NPR and PBS stations, realizing that they can get on board or get run over, are broadcasting on the internet, sending shows to anyone anywhere with a computer. They also podcast, webcast, simulcast and recast. And yes, hosts are on FaceBook and Twitter, too. Twice a year they ask for a donation which I am happy to fork over. I’d pay for those real-time traffic alerts, even without the extraordinary content.

So, like most of us, I pay for the media I most value, and hope someone else will pick up the bill for the other guys. With my Tivo I can watch TV and skip the commercials. With my internet connection I can read the newspaper I once subscribed to and ignore the ads that pay for it. I can listen to my NPR and PBS stations with no cash outlay should I choose to do so. It is obvious to me that technology is rewriting the third law of economics. Today, I can get what I don’t pay for.

What is less obvious is that mail is a medium, too—like TV, newspapers, radio, internet. Way before Al Gore thought of the internet, Ben Franklin was putting the post office together. Hence, direct marketing is one of the oldest media around, and is so institutionalized it is easy to overlook. But very time I put a stamp on a letter I’m helping to pay for it.

Direct Mail has been hammered by time and technology, too. Email has almost wiped out whole classes of Mail. The escalating cost of postage is a significant damper in its own right. But now comes “Do Not Mail” legislation—ostensibly a “green” movement upset over destruction of trees.

I’m probably the greenest person you’ll meet today, but I think this legislation, though well intended, is in fact destructive.

Recently Postmaster General John Potter took on proponents of “Do Not Mail” legislation, citing that advertising mail helps fund the USPS.

“Somehow, they think a sale offer coming through the mail—as opposed to a newspaper, a magazine, TV, radio or the Internet—is a bad thing” he said at the National Press Club. “Ads pay for the Internet as well as broadcast TV and radio programs. So, too, ad mail helps pay for universal mail service in America.”

That’s right: DNM threatens universal mail service.

Most of us love—and expect—universal mail service. It’s our right to get mail, even if it’s an envelope from ValPak chock-a-block with ads from maid services, tree surgeons and power washers. That blue envelope helps buoy up the US Postal system in a way that the monthly bill from the cable provider who rents me the Tivo can’t.

The volume of the advertising mail helps keep USPS numbers high. Ad mail doesn’t have to be delivered at a breakneck pace, giving the USPS opportunity to plan distribution and maximize delivery efficiencies. Hence, robust advertising mail numbers are vital to USPS financial health.

But mail volume is down by about 28 billion pieces in FY 2009—driven down by postage, by the internet, by the economy, by dire doom-and-gloom forecasts, by home foreclosures, and by a series of sequential well-reported economic disasters and expensive bailbouts. So despite slashing 40,000 jobs and trimming $6 billion from its costs this year, the USPS lost $3 billion.

Everyone knows the USPS can’t lose money like this forever. But everyone also expects to dependably receive mail. That’s what universal mail service is all about. It’s a given. Like the third rule of economics.

But today technology is voiding the third rule of economics. DNM could nix universal mail service just as effectively.

Crystal Balling and Bawling: What’s ahead for the USPS?

Gazing forlornly into their crystal balls, postal prognosticators see another tough year ahead for the Postal Service. The recession may be receding for many of us, but for the USPS it is still grinding reality.

“The current business model does not work” Postmaster General John Potter commented recently. Unfortunately, he didn’t offer a model that does work. So for the USPS, it’s business as usual. And that isn’t good.

The USPS lost a staggering $3BB in FY 2009—even after bleeding off 40,000 jobs and trimming $6BB from its budget. It could have been worse. A lot worse. After making similar draconian cuts year over year—the USPS took a hint from GM, AIG, et al and went hat-in-hand to the Congress to seek relief.

On the theory that the USPS is Too Important to the Country’s Security to Fail (a logical extension of the Too Big to Fail argument) Congress voted to delay $4BB of a $5.4BB payment due to the USPS retiree’s healthcare fund. The USPS Financial Relief Act of 2009 delayed but did not eliminate that debt, thus giving the postal service a bit of a breather.

Despite the respite, there is much gloom at postal headquarters. Explaining decreased mail volume on the recession and the internet, postal management is looking for ways to fill an ever-deepening hole, while simultaneously realizing that as much as postal rate increases are needed, they will only drive mailers elsewhere. Furthermore, as postage rate increases are now pegged to the CPI rate in the previous year and that rate went deflationary in 2009, a postal increase in 2010 was nixed in October.

Putting some mail “on sale” over the summer and the fall may have helped boost mail volume—anecdotally my mailbox overflowed with catalogs—but official numbers are unavailable yet.

So USPS management continues to cut.

First on the chopping block are “underutilized” post offices. Rural areas are particularly concerned as a town without a post office can be de-listed as a legal entity. The DC area is not immune, either. Roughly 15% of our local POs are slated to close.

Next on the chopping block is Saturday mail delivery. While comprising only 11% of the weekly volume, Saturday delivery could save the USPS $3BB annually if terminated. The USPS would make exceptions for mail order prescriptions and for the high-volume holiday season. But how about making an exception for social security checks? For many seniors, getting that check is more important than getting a holiday card—even a hand drawn one—from the grandkids.

Post offices that survive the cuts would have curtailed weekend service, and no outgoing mail processing. People needing stamps or other services on Saturday would be referred to the internet. (Isn’t that ironic!) Consumers will need to plan ahead, procuring postage in advance.

Congress—acting with typical dispatch and derring do—has decided to put off any discussions until after the mid-term election. While widely seen favoring proposals to go to 5-day delivery and cut underutilized facilities, Congress realizes that closing post offices in their districts may mean losing their jobs in Washington. (Re-read the previous sentence about rural townships being de-listed as entities. Being wiped off the map does not please constituents.)

Cest la vie.

Madame LaFarge is waiting.

A Primer on Premiums

Not every mailer needs—or wants—to use premiums. They do cost $$ after all; and they can’t be created overnight, so package development lead time may suffer.

Furthermore, once you use them, you need to keep on using them as your audience will expect to see them every time. So you’ll be constantly on the prowl for the next-best-thing on a regular basis, and prowling can be hard work.

On the other hand, premiums work hard for you.

Lumpy packages inspire recipient curiosity; they get your mail opened more often. And they encourage upgraded gifts from people who might not otherwise contribute as much.

Best yet: you’ll get a lot of really neat samples to share with the kids at home.

If you do want to go the premium route, finding an inspired thingamabob or tchotchke—one that works with your message and for your organization—is a Godsend.

Want to retire your refrigerator magnets? Pens and pencils too passé?...Stuck on stickers that no longer pull…or loser address labels?

You and a thousand other mailers, folks. These premiums are so last century.

And if you’re bored, just imagine what your recipients are thinking. Ho hum to the max.

You’re in luck! There’s a whole new generation of truly cutting-edge giveaways for your consideration. Here’s a very short list of new-to-the-market gizmos for your consideration. Best yet, these guys are so new, that there will be zero ho-hum factor.

Green goodies

1. Pens, mugs and even polo shirts made out of corn by-products. They work just as you would expect them to work, but at the end of their useful life they simply dissolve away. No carbon footprint worries. No eternal bad stuff in the landfills. You’re a green genius!

2. FEDEX and UPS packaging that unfolds after shipping and converts Transformer-like into a high-quality waterproof canvas boat tote. It’s a neat, clean solution to sending a thank you to a donor. There’s no waste. It’s reusable, recyclable and long wearing. Ta Dah!


Fun Stuff

1. Folding Frisbees. These guys fold up so small you can put them in a pocket. After all, you never know when you’ll find an accommodating Golden Retriever—or a gorgeous co-ed—looking for a bit of exercise.

2. Wash-off tattoos. Scared of needles? Too conservative for the
real thing? Want to see your logo on everybody’s cheek? A
temporary tattoo may be just the thing. You design ‘em. Kool
Kids—and their hip parents—love the look, and they wash off with
soap and water.

Useful

1. Turn your cell phone into a flashlight. OK, this may sound
nuts—until you’re lost on a dark country road with a flat tire and
a dead battery. You can call AAA and plot your route back to
civilization with a roadmap while you wait for help to arrive. Not
likely? OK, if you ever find yourself at an impromptu rock concert, this gadget will wow the folks around you. You just can’t be prepared enough.

2. Custom DVD. Tell us what your organization wants. We’ll make it happen. Patriotic music since 1776? Music with just-for-your-organization themes like frogs, space, etc? Snippets from the boss’s best “rally the troops” speeches? Professionally recorded, arranged and presented. The perfect stocking stuffer for your 10,000 closest BFFs.

Piqued your interest? Good! This short list is truly just the tip of the iceberg for new and different promotional premiums. And while a premium may not be everybody’s cup of tea (oh yes—we have some truly delicious exotic teas you can brand for yourself, too!) if you’re in hot water because your current premiums just aren’t working like they should, contact us.

You’re only limited by your imagination!

Don’t get Rooked: How to pay less for Postage

Every day someone asks me if I know strategies and techniques to reduce postage. And yes, I do. Lots of them.

But no, there is no “one solution fits all” answer. Getting a mailer to the optimal postage rate (please note I didn’t say “lowest!” rate—the highest rate may really be your lowest cost) is like playing three-dimensional chess.

A chess board is a simple black and red checkerboard pattern. It’s how you move those pieces to get to your goal that makes the game challenging.

Using postage regulations to your advantage is like playing that chess game.

To give you a strategy that will work for you (and generate an accurate postage estimate), I have to weigh your package size, weight and thickness; the distribution of your mailing list; the quantity you want to mail; and the delivery date you’ve got to have. I need to know if you are a for-profit, a non-profit, or running for elective office, as different rules and strategies apply.

Remember: Some chess pieces can move one square in any direction; some move only diagonally. Knowing which to move and when to move wins or loses games.

For instance, in Standard mail there are 27 postage rates for a letter. Even First Class Presort has 5 rates for that same letter. Throw in lumpy mail, thick mail, non-flexible mail, postcards and periodicals and you can see just how many variables I have to measure to get to your answer.

There’s one thing that is not variable, though. Unless you’re mailing a gold-leafed invitation wrapped around an original photograph by Annie Liebowitz, addressed with calligraphy by Zhang Dawo, postage will probably be the most expensive aspect of your direct marketing.

While every technique will not work for everybody—remember, a pawn and a rook can’t move the same way—here are 10 Tips to help you reduce that not inconsiderable postage outlay:

1. Clean your data. For every bad address you get off your datafile, you’ll save printing and postage. You’ll also increase your response rate, but that’s a different story. Data cleaning starts with NCOA, then goes into internal de-duping (look for identical names and identical addresses), running it against deceased data.

If you have the time and will be mailing multiple times, consider getting ACS—Address Correction Service. It will take you several weeks to apply, but will mean that we can use intelligent barcodes for you in the future (that’s another story, too) so you can track your mail in the postage system, AND you’ll be able to electronically get back corrected addresses for FREE.

2. Presort. You’ll save about .10 per letter at First Class Presort rates and twice that at Standard and about 30 cents per letter at Non-Profit rates. Yes, you can have a live stamp in any of these classes.

Of course, we have to NCOA (run your data through National Change of Address software) then presort, and sort/tie/tray, so some of your advantage will be eaten up with post office-required processing steps.

At small quantities—and that depends on the piece you are mailing and the destination address—presorting can actually cost you more than if you mailed straight First Class. Be sure you know the ins and outs of the postal regs before you reflexively say “Standard!”

Standard is not always cheaper and it is almost always slower. Unless you’re running for political office, in which case I’d suggest you mail at Standard Red Tag Political rate. You’ll get Standard postage rates but First Class delivery.

3. Mail Smaller. Flats—pieces larger than 6-1/8 x 11-1/2” cost more to mail. Of course, they stand out in the mailbox, so they have more visible. But that visibility has a price.

Postcards can be as small as 3.5x5 or as large as 6x11. Depending on the size of your postcard, the distribution of your list, and the needs to get it delivered fast, you may do better mailing at First Class, First Class Presort or Standard. Ask us to do an analysis for you.

4. Mail lighter. Keep your mail below 1 ounce in weight if you are mailing at First Class or First Class Presort. If you opt to mail at Standard or Non-Profit rates, you can mail 3.3 ounces for the basic rates. Hence, if you know your mailing piece is a heavyweight, reconsider mailing at First Class.

And of course, if lower postage is your thing, keep your piece thinner than ¼ inch.

5. Mail more. Higher mail volumes typically can reduce per-piece production—and often postage—costs. But not always. It depends on the distribution of your list.

6. Mail in highly concentrated areas. It’s easier for the post office to deliver mail that is highly concentrated; they reward mailers with lower postage rates. The optimal low rate is CRRT—Carrier Route—where the carrier delivers one piece to every address on his route.

7. Be sure your mail is automation compatible. Mail that is too stiff (or not stiff enough) or “lumpy” or square or outside aspect ratio rules or too highly reflective or with insufficient contrast between address and background or otherwise non-machineable will cost you money. Not sure about your mailing? Call us! We will help you figure it out :)

8. Be sure your mailing panel meets USPS requirements. The USPS just changed addressing requirements for self-mailers, newsletters and flats. Put the address panel in the wrong orientation and you’ll pay 10 cents more in postage. Be sure to check USPS design and folding requirements before you put ink to paper.

9. Comingle. If you’re mailing more than 25,000 pieces at a presort rate (ie First Class Presort, Standard or Non-Profit) you may find that using a comingler can save you postage.

10. Dropship. Mail going to a single, specific destination can often save time and $$ by being dropshipped to the delivery point SCF or BMC.

It works this way: We prepare the mail. We then take it to the postal facility where it is entered into the mailstream. But instead of being released into the mailstream at that point, it is put back on our truck with paperwork that says the postage has been paid and the mail passed postal inspection. We then drive the mail (or hire a long distance trucker to drive the mail) to the destination SCF or BMC. The savings per piece: approximately 4.3 cents. Hence, to save on postage, the cost of the shipping must be less than the postal savings.

It’s not just about postal savings, however. Dropshipping can cut a week or more off delivery time—even as it is saving $$. If time and $$ are both important to you, then you should be discussing dropshipping with us.

Like chess, minimizing postage is a game of strategy and nuance. Knowing these 10 tips will put you way ahead of your competition, but be sure to check with your local Mailing Requirements office and/or us for details specific to your own project.

Finally, work with us! We have your interests and needs in mind. We will help you make the right financial decision for your specific project.

And if someone tells you that the job can print and mail for less than the cost of published postage rates, run for the door. They are not your friend. They have you in Checkmate and you don’t know it yet.

No Postal Increase In 2010

Hot News!

Launch the balloons…pop the corks…give your BFF a sincere fist bump.

The USPS announced late last week that there would be no postal increase for “market dominant products” in 2010.

Mailers everywhere should be celebrating. First Class, Standard, Non-Profit, Periodicals and Single-Piece Parcel Post rates are all on the sacrosanct “do not touch” list.

USPS management is still weighing options on “competitive products” like Priority Mail, Express Mail, Parcel Select and most international mail; they hope to have an announcement on these classes/products in mid-November.

This postage price freeze is the best news direct mail marketing has heard in quite a while. In a year that saw dramatic mail volume declines due to the most miserable economy since 1929, widely reported housing foreclosures, rampant retail failures, and general market skittishness, the USPS lost a huge amount of money. Yet clearheaded USPS management realized that to increase postage would only drive more people out of the mail.

So USPS management did a gut check, and decided that inflicting pain on themselves today would mean more mail and less pain in the years ahead. And they were spot on with that counter-intuitive decision. Let the bubbly flow.

But wait! Now I get truly “inside the Beltway.” If you’re not a policy wonk, stop reading right here, and start celebrating. You’ve been warned.

Of course, the story behind the story is a bit more complex. Postal increases are now tied by law to the CPI—Consumer Price Index. Whatever the CPI does in a year (and it has historically gone UP each year) is what the postal system can increase postage rates by.

No one on Capitol Hill foresaw a situation where the CPI would go into deflation mode. But that is exactly what has happened in 2009. The CPI has actually dropped by 4.3%.

No one at the Post Office or on Capitol Hill could conceive of a situation where the USPS would (or could!) reduce rates by 4.3%. The system is simply not geared for deflation—an historical anomaly.

So USPS did the next best thing: it announced 3 months early that it was not going to raise rates.

USPS looks like a hero, but in reality they are pocketing that 4.3%.

If the CPI is to be believed, the USPS—as well as you and I—are now paying 4.3% less for gasoline, 4.3% less for clothing, 4.3% less for vehicle maintenance, 4.3% less for utilities, etc than we did the year before. So even though USPS management has decided not to raise prices, they are still ahead by 4.3%.

Got it? A brilliant decision, mandated by the times and economy, maintaining the status quo on postage rates was a PR coup—and a long-awaited win/win for the Post Office.

OK, the Post Office deserves a win every once in a while. And so do mailers.

Let’s drink a collective toast of that uncorked bubbly. Cheers to the USPS for its maybe not-so-difficult, but imminently practical (and correct!) decision.

Thank you, USPS.

Now if I could only find out where my 4.3% has gone missing…

“I’m Greener than Thou.”

After years of lip service we collectively seem to be getting the message: GREEN IS IN!

On a national level, the Obama administration says it is committed to reducing our carbon emissions 80% by 2050. The American Clean Energy and Security Act promises to generate 1.7 million new jobs in this country—replacing jobs that went offshore in the last 2 decades. The Recession Recovery Act is making home energy auditors one of the new “hot jobs” of the 2010s. Green is officially good.

On a more local level, the number of environmentally friendly office buildings is increasing. Having manicured plants in the lobby is no longer enough. Today’s eco-aware executive looks for low-growing native plantings on roofs to attract wildlife, light/heat-deflecting glass windows, water-saving toilets, energy efficient heating and cooling, and environmentally-friendly interior paint. Living green is golden.

Manufacturers are getting the message, too. Frito Lay is using compostable wrappers on its SunChips® line and lighting its Modesto CA plant with solar collectors. Even McDonalds is wrapping more sandwiches in paper and encasing fewer of them in Styrofoam. Marketing green is hot.

At the household level, many of us are switching to Energy Star appliances and curly energy-saving light bulbs as fast as our recession-shrunk budgets allow. We’re also recycling more.

Every little bit helps.

But what are WE—people in paper-based direct marketing—doing?

The answer is: Plenty!

For starters, we are using more recycled papers and paper from managed forests designed to meet our paper needs. The recycled and FSC logos on our mail let the world know we’ve got the message and are working to keep it green.

OK—we could make an even greater difference by using non-wood-based papers, but there is not enough product available yet to be economically viable. Stay tuned. That’s coming. On the drawing board is paper made from fast-growing grasses like rice and papyrus. Wait a minute! Isn’t that where we started with paper 4000 years ago? Hmmmm…

And yes, if you really want to make a statement, we can get you elephant-poo paper, giraffe-poo paper and rhinoceros-poo paper. It’s available today—at a price. It’s Econ 101: supply and demand. There simply aren’t enough elephants around to satisfy our paper needs. Could paper be the way to get these magnificent animals off the endangered species list?

But back to business.

Marketers are using less toxic inks. Ink will never be totally safe—I’d never want to gulp down a swig—but it’s getting better. Today, most inks are vegetable-based, replacing petroleum-based inks of just a few years ago. Newer equipment also needs less water to run and clean up. And we’re more aware of our disposal practices. There’s still room for improvement, but we’re doing vastly better than just a few years ago.

We’re also mailing smaller quantities to more highly-targeted lists, thus cutting down on waste. The data revolution is allowing us to cut the clutter. Advanced demographic and psychographic analysis allows us to segment exactly the right people for nearly every message. Some of us are getting so adept at this data analysis that we can print on demand, thus generating only as many pieces as there are people to receive it.

We’re encouraging recipients of our products to recycle. Sometimes all it needs is a gentle reminder to do the right thing. In 2000, about one-third of mail was recycled. By 2007 that number had climbed to over 40%, according to the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA). As mail is still responsible for 13% of discarded paper and paperboard, we still have our work cut out for us, but we’re making progress.

We’re reminding recipients that they need to do the right thing, too, by printing the Direct Marketing Association’s “Recycle Please” campaign logo on our direct mail. (Want to know more? Go to the-dma.org/environment.)

Even the post office is on board the green bandwagon. The USPS—in conjunction with the EPA—has set up recycling bins at more than 6000 post offices around the country. People can collect their mail and sort it over the recycle bin before they even head home. How easy can it get?

Don’t know where to find the post office recycle bins? Visit Earth911.com. Many of us are even putting reminders about Earth911.com on our mail to give recipients a little extra nudge in the right direction.

Speaking of the post office, for years, “junk mail” has been blamed for overflowing landfills and mailbox clutter. Just a few years ago, that rap was more justified. But today, through our collective efforts, the direct marketing industry is greener than ever before…and we want the public to know.

Through printed logos and virtual websites, we’re reminding our recipients that we use environmentally-friendly papers and inks, even as we gently encourage them to do their part and recycle our materials. The public seems to be responding.

Now our industry’s challenge is to lose the “junk mail” label. It’s a public perception war we’re waging today, but we’re miles ahead of the disposable diapers guys which the EPA estimates take up 30% of landfills.

You don’t hear any public ruckus to ban disposable diapers. And that just stinks.

Gotta love NCOA

You can’t live with it. And you can’t mail without it.

I have to admit: We’re good do-bees. When the USPS says thou shalt NCOA all addresses before you mail, that’s what we do. But what is it really doing for our clients?

NCOA—National Change of Address—checks the validity of addresses on a datafile. It answers the questions (1) is the address accurate? and (2) does that individual/business still reside there?

OK. What constitutes an “accurate address”? NCOA gives more than 40 reasons why an address can fail. Some are fatal like a state abbreviated AM (what the heck is that?)…some are mere inconveniences like “Street” instead of “St”…and most errors are somewhere in the middle.

If you’re like most clients, once you get over the shock of potentially having 40 blunders in three simple lines of type, you start to determine how many precious records have fatal flaws…how many addresses are readily fixable (and who are you going to assign to do the heavy lifting)...and how many do you throw the dice on and “takes your chances.”

After you’re over that emotional and logistical hurdle, things get easier. NCOA now tells you if the intended recipient still resides there.

Sounds pretty black-and-white, doesn’t it: Yes, he does or No, he doesn’t. But of course it’s more complicated than that.

IF the person has moved within the US and IF the person has given the USPS a forwarding address and IF the address is typed accurately (human error creates a lot of bad data), then NCOA will tell you where to find that person. Maybe.

IF he’s a college student and has left home to study, maybe you can find him. IF he’s moved out and she’s still in the home, then maybe NCOA can track him down. IF he’s moved to Heavenly Acres Cemetery, then he’s probably left no forwarding address.

That’s a lot of “ifs.”

So you clean up the data you can, expunge the records you must, and do the mailing.

That’s exactly what our client, Jane, did. Only she put an endorsement line on her envelopes, requesting the post office to return all undeliverable mail.

Now Jane has six mail tubs of envelopes with USPS-affixed yellow stickies proclaiming No such address …Undeliverable as addressed … No Forwarding address and the like.

These addresses had all passed through the rigors of NCOA just days before. Yet a large percentage of the mail was clearly undeliverable.

We were commiserating over lunch about the problem.

“How long does it take to get an address change into the NCOA datafile?” she asked me.

“How can an address pass NCOA on Monday and be undeliverable on Friday?”

“Does a sticker that reads ‘Undeliverable as addressed’ really mean that? Or did the harried clerk pick a sticker at random and slap it on my letter? I’m pretty sure this letter got to the recipient before. What gives?”

Frankly, we don’t know what gives, so we called our regional postal authority to answer some of Jane’s many questions. Here’s what we learned:

* It takes 3-4 days to get an address change listed in the NCOA if someone fills out and mails the yellow address forwarding forms found at every post office.

* It takes about one hour and $1 if the person submits the information online. (The USPS sends a confirming letter—hence the $1 fee.)

* Sticker fatigue? Well, maybe. We looked at the returned envelopes and saw what looked to be good addresses. Each envelope had been read by a postal scanner to check for why the address was in error, and that information was compared to The Big Database in the Sky.

Address order could have caused some of the come-backs. Sometimes the address was 123 Apple Ave T1 (apartment T1) which is the correct addressing format. Sometimes the address was T1 123 Apple Avenue. That second presentation could have confused the smartest USPS computer.

* A couple of the envelopes had someone’s nickname. The computer doesn’t know that Robert is also called Bob, Rob, Bobbie and Robbie. Nicknames can lead to computer confusion.

* And since so many of Jane’s returns were from college students, we can assume that they didn’t bother to register when they changed housing each semester. Records older than 24 months can make the computer reject an address, too.

* Finally, the ubiquitous response: human error. Not infrequently, the USPS hardcopy change of address form is not readable. The USPS keypunchers are left to take educated guesses on spelling. Guesses lead to inevitable errors. Similarly, people who enter their information online make typing errors. Those errors can result in rejected mail later.

Want to check an address? The USPS suggests you to go their website: www.USPS.com. In the upper left corner click on Zip Code look up. Follow the steps and you’ll find out why the USPS computers have rejected that specific address. Maybe.

Whew! Now Jane’s got her answers. But she’s still got six mail tubs to sort through, ensuring her clerk will have job security for weeks.

I repeat: Gotta love NCOA. You can’t live with it and you can’t mail without it.